Food for Thought

I was speaking to some friends recently who have aging parents. The emotional rollercoaster that they are on is not unusual, as it seems we all have been or will be on it ourselves one day. One friend said to their parent "What do you mean this 'aging' came as a surprise to you? Did you never think about what you would do when you were older?" and the reply came as "No. It has all come too fast."

Too fast. When you are 12 and waiting to become a 'teenager' it seems like it will never arrive. Or when you are waiting to turn 16 so you can go for your drivers' licence or turn 18 to be of legal drinking age. 21 used to be the legal voting age (and drinking age in my day). We always seems to be waiting to get older and when it finally arrives, well, as my friend's parent said "It has all come too fast".

As we each discuss the situation that many middle-agers or baby-boomers are now in with their aging parents, we should realize that we are nearing the top of the hill ourselves. But...do we think of making changes right now? Do we consider downsizing or putting away finances to cover our hospital or nursing home expenses of the future? Do we think government will cover all that for us? I doubt it. I doubt there will be a nursing home or age-in-place facility that will suit us or meet our expectations. I think we are ALL going to be in for a big surprise and it ain't gonna be pleasant!!

Having raised these questions, I do not have the answers. Both my parents are now gone. In our story, we did 'add the railings in the bathroom, the support railings along the hallways and steps', and then, when my dad died, we cleaned out the basement and cleared away things for my mom, until we finally had to move her out of her home and into a new city to be near someone who could look after her, take her to appointments and be near her for that time when her life would be in jeopardy as well.

Having gone through it, and realizing that as I get older, I too should be making changes in my life to help our daughter be less impacted by our health and personal situation in the future. But what does that mean? What does that look like? Isn't that a long way off yet? Aren't I too young to be looking at lodges or retirement villas? Even my 103 year old mother-in-law said that the lodge she moved into had only old people in it. She was 95 at the time and thought that 80 and 85 year olds were old but she didn't think that 'she' was one of them!  I guess we all feel that way.

Since we are now living longer than the 'old statistics' of our parents, perhaps this will soon become a standard "to-do" thing for the future. It will be part of our checklist as we are not going to want to settle for a little 8x10 room with a tiny bathroom attached or even shared. We will want our own 'area' to be just like home (whatever that means to us individually) and we won't be so willing to be 'moved' as we have moved our parents and grandparents.  It is a moment of recognition that we do not live forever and our time is coming.

Eccles 7:2 Death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.