A Moment in Time

I went to visit my friend who has Alzheimer's. I have not seen her since they took her to the hospital. I had been away and then sick so it had been awhile. She didn't remember me but she is always happy to hear me say that 'I am her friend '. You can tell that she is trying hard to remember but it doesn't come. She was talking in the 3rd person so I got a chance to hear what she was thinking. She also said "The Dr told me that her memory was not  very good and that she did not have a lot of friends". It was so matter-of-fact. My eyes started to tear. The look in her eyes was confusion which made me tear up even more! I had to walk away. I quickly asked her if she would like to go for a walk. She is in lock-down, as are the other 20 people with her. She is willing to go for a walk and will hold my hand.

I met a man who was visiting his wife there. He said he comes every day to visit and had not seen my friend with anyone. I felt very guilty about that but said I had been visiting her where she used to be (as if I had to defend myself). I said we had been out of town recently and the last 10 days I had been sick with a cold. I felt like he was not pleased. He told me he visits her every day, when he visits with his wife.

I know that I would like to see her more often but realistically, it is not going to happen. Too many things get in the way - work, other responsibilities and social commitments. Distance is another thing, although it only takes 20 minutes to get there. But, you add it up and an afternoon is taken. I certainly don't regret going but I do realize I can't go there all the time. That being said, I definitely appreciate those workers who go every day. It must be very frustrating for them as well and difficult to keep 'in the present' with those they are looking after. It would be easy to just do the support work and not 'engage' at all. There was a resident who looked like he was in his 50's or early 60's who would stop and stare at me. I was never quite sure what he wanted - or IF he wanted anything. When you don't know their history, you become 'unsure' of their actions.

Anyway, I am glad I went and will definitely go again. While I'm with her, she's in the moment whether or not she remembers what I talk about or refer back to. I know she won't remember my visit or who I am for the next time but I know it is still the right thing to do and I know that she does enjoy having someone walk with her and talk with her.

Life is pretty precarious and very precious. Enjoy the moments you experience and cherish the memories you make - especially if you can remember them. Life is just too short.